All is lost.
what have i done...

im back to my old self the one i thought i left behind.

they say:
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
[i cant fucking do that.]

i need to try to remember how it felt like..
Happiness.
1. Characterized by good luck; fortunate.
2. Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy.
3. Being especially well-adapted; felicitous
4. Cheerful

and some stuff that i have never felt:
loved.
1. To have a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward (a person): We love our parents. I love my friends.
2. To have a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward (a person).
3. To have an intense emotional attachment to: loves his house.
4. a. To embrace or caress.
b. To have sexual intercourse with.
5. To like or desire enthusiastically.
6. Theology To have charity for.
7. To thrive on; need.


why do my parents hate me so much.
why...


[maybe i just need time to be alone, i told her im never gona meet her when she wanted to see me. we are just paining each other. i have fucking commitment problems. and i fucking dont need anyone.. ]
because one learns her lesson when there was no one to trust before that and hope was lost. hoping leads to dissappointments, misplacement of trust leads to just another wound. i dun need another wound. hate me. i need you to hate me to leave me. i rather kill myself then hurt you.

Christ Jaden [my last post]